The Mother’s Day discourse has been on fire lately with several people arguing that if you’re not “in the trenches” of motherhood, it’s time to step aside for the moms who are wiping butts and doing middle-of-the-night wakings.

This means grandmas, mothers-in-law, and any other “older” mom should default to their daughter or daughter-in-law when it comes to Mother’s Day plans.

While some have argued against this notion, saying that grandmothers and older moms are moms too, there is something to be said about the differences and life stages of motherhood.

If you’re wondering what kind of moms are the ones “in the trenches,” a helpful TikTok video was put together by user @CrayGardens to help us all understand who qualifies.

“We seem to be having some confusion over which moms qualify as ‘in the trenches,’ so I’m here to momsplain it to you,” she jokes.

“If you’ve managed a bodily fluid from your child at least once this calendar year, you are in the trenches. Go check out that mom van, and if you have at least one pound of unidentified crumbs, you are in the trenches.”

She continues, “Might be a hot take but if you don’t consider animals children because you know you could potentially leave your puppy alone for an hour in its crate and you wouldn’t get arrested. You are in the trenches.”

She then jokes that if you’re currently worried about “screwing [your kids] up in the present tense,” you are in, in fact, the trenches.

In her caption, she wrote, “Mother’s Day triage, moms in the trenches get priority. I said what I said. Go call your mother if you want to fight.”

The comments on the video did not disappoint with several “in the trenches” moms sharing their own stories that prove they’re part of this list.

“I wiped an ass in the middle of a client zoom today,” one user wrote.

Another echoed, “MAAM I just dealt with wiping an ass in the middle of my dinner. IN THE TRENCHES.”

One user wrote, “TY! Parenting never ends but I am no longer managing bodily fluids. No trenches here:)”

And that is the point, right? Once you’re a mom, you’re a mom for life. No one is questioning that, but let’s be real, there are stages and phases to motherhood. A mom of a newborn is not in the same kind of trenches of a mom of a teen, and an empty-nester mom is not in the same phase of motherhood as a mom of two under two. I think we can all agree on that.